In order to no longer seek the validation from women as your primary reason for why you do what you do, you must experience it first. I can’t imagine the guy the never got looks, glances, giggles, compliments, touches and advancements from women, to just instantly say he no longer “cares about women”. This is how an “incel” is born, because secretly he craves that attention and wants to feel validated for who he is, but will reject it based on a compelling story in his mind that women are evil or some shit.
Validation in general feels good, look closely and you see that most of the world is run by it. However the best kind comes from the opposite sex. Women crave it as do men, yet the one’s who no longer truly care for it will still receive it, but it will not be their master.
I remember around ages (17-20) validation from women was my value gauge. Was I good enough, attractive enough, funny enough.. enough enough. Exactly, enough bro. Relax.
And in reality it doesn’t take too much especially if you experience “high/intense” validation from a women you deem attractive, sooner or later the light bulb hopefully goes off and you no longer hinge yourself on her perspective. The whole game of chasing the attention and approval of her loses its touch, rather this push-pull dynamic of surface level ego tripping does not actually nourish you one bit.
I want to make it clear: I do not reject validation, interest or flirtatious games with the female, it’s fun for a little while, but in reality we are all looking for something much deeper with more essence, and skin deep won’t cut it.
Is there a how to on “transcending” the validation station? Not really to be honest, but fundamentally you have to go through it in order to let it go, yet what gains you the ability to “go through it”? Presence?, charisma?, vibes?, muscles?, money?, status? all of the above or none at all? Each person will have their own areas or sects that will gain them validation from others; whatever yours is stick with it as what brings validation also usually brings success, so in no way drop improving these areas, but rather cultivate a deeper relationship with yourself and God. Many men and women can easily get stuck in the validation loop with all the material/bodily/worldly successes feeding into a train of ego galore, but what really counts, is not to give it away, but to do your thing from a place of not relying on it for your self-worth at all. As soon as you need it, to do you thing be it, post online, have night out, attend a party, make money, train in the gym or whatever if your motivation is validation (especially from the opposite sex) you’re playing the losing game.
Real self worth and genuine life fulfilment comes directly from wholeness within. A fully charged vessel, healthy, loving, kind, giving, strong. A cup runith over. Validation when in this state of being kind of bores you, sure it’s nice but it doesn’t hook you in. You no longer need to prove to yourself that you can flirt, fuck or seduce.
You’re value is tied to an inner knowing, your energy is precious and valuable, and the desire to excessively share it only lowers your overall state.
On the flip side you can also charge your energy through extroverted social interactions if you have the reserves to do so. But be careful, you can very easily sit in the high of validation if you become the magnet in the iron fillings.
